Nigerian man Narrates how his wife use to get drunk and forget where she is.
“I met my wife six years ago. We were just friends. She was in a relationship with someone but it was an abusive relationship. The guy used to beat her alot. She said they have been lovers for more than 8 years.
‘My wife unfortunately is one of those women with low self esteem cos of her past relationship.It will surprise you that this woman is a graduate of Accounting and she works with one of the biggest manufacturing companies in this country.
“The guy she loved before, they were lovers from university to when I met her. I met her at a conference. I was amazed at her level of intelligence. we clicked and chatted over time. That was how I knew she was in an abusive relationship. With my help,she was able to quit the relationship after 2 years.
“We dated for a year, I fell in love with her spirit. She is such a warm personality. We got married a year later. During our courtship, there was no s*x. I wanted her to know I loved her for who she was, not for her body. I wanted to help her learn to trust another man who will not abuse here but be her support.
“After marriage, everything was cool. God blessed us with a baby girl. We were very happy parents but I did not notice my wife was depressed. I did not notice that she was suffering Post Traumatic Disorder. It started by sometimes, she would be moody and before you know it, she packed her bags and said she was leaving.
“Leaving our home without no quarrel. Maybe we had a small argument. She would cry and cry and carry her bags to her mother’s house. I would go and beg her to come back. I was surprised. I thought she was being childish but I was also angry with her for comparing me with her ex anytime we have a little misunderstanding.
“I told her I am different. She knows I am different. Being married does not mean we will not have difference of opinion some times but she now makes it a thing of bringing up her ex anytime we have an issue.
“So, one time, we had a misunderstanding, she went to her mother’s house. And this time, I decided not to beg her. She left our baby with the nanny and just left. I was so angry and decided to ignore her. I was tired of her using her ex as an excuse for her behavior.
“Four days later, my wife came back. I was not at home …the nanny called me and said I should hurry and come back. I got home to find my wife drunk and wasted. I was alarmed. I tried to revive her. Gave her some aspirin and calmed her down to sleep. She slept for a long time before she woke up.
“I told her we have to talk. She agreed. That was when she said she is depressed and does not know why she is depressed. She has left her ex but she does not know how to have a healthy relationship with me. That any small triggers, she gets depressed. Her going to her mother’s place is to run away from what her mind tells her that I am like her ex.
“I told her that she needs to go for therapy. She agreed. I promised to help her get through this. She went for counselling for a month and actually stopped . Seeing a psychotherapist is not cheap plus she felt she was going to be able to handle herself. Truly, I have been trying. But now and again, my wife relapses and goes out to drink and comes back drunk.
“I feel like she is using her ex to continue to remain an alcoholic. I do not know what to do for her anymore. Maybe I cannot help her. Its been over 3 years. The drinking occurs even now and then and I do not want my child around a drunk parent.
“Its become quite embarrassing. She gets drunk and sometimes forgets where she is. She calls her mother who is so sad about the whole issue to come and carry her from where she is. Its been a huge struggle …she has gone back to therapy but I do not think therapy is even working for her anymore.
“I am getting overwhelmed. What can I do…Its weighing me down. I have to care for my baby alone when she is drunk. And this has made me grow close to my nanny. The nanny is seeing how tired I am and is flirting with me. I may be a very principled man but its not easy.
“Now, I am thinking of firing the nanny before things get out of hand . At this rate, I am thinking my wife should go and stay with her mother for a while cos I cannot deal with taking care of a baby and her and seeing to my job.
Please advise me….